Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Can we ever really learn from our mistakes, or does the essence that defines us make it impossible for us to ever learn from them??
Over the years, I have learned a few things about myself - that define me and even though I know I have flaws, I simply cannot change them, believe me, I have tried.
For one, I am incredibly impulsive. I know it. My friends know it. My family know it. No matter, I simply cannot learn from my mistakes, and believe me when I say, I do many impulsive things because I want to live in the moment, ‘do’ before I think, ‘do’ what feels good now, without really thinking it thru…. Case in point…Saturday night I was walking on 3rd Street Promenade and saw a couple with a beautiful Siberian husky mother, with her six puppies. Of course, I could not walk on by without picking up a puppy and cuddling it. They tell me they are selling the puppies and want to find fantastic homes for them. I immediately start to analyze why I should purchase one. A) I love dogs. B) I am a huge animal lover. C) They are SO, SO adorable it makes my heart ache. D) They need a good home, which I can provide. E) The one I am holding, I have an instant connection with, she looks at me as if to say, I am YOURS. F-Z) I completed the entire alphabet on why I should take this tiny morsel home. However, I am out to see a movie, so cannot possibly do it now, and besides, I did not bring my checkbook. However, like any pansy, I give the person my phone number, in case I may want to get her tomorrow.
Sunday, the phone rings, “Hello, we meet last night, I have the puppies and was wondering if you are still interested?” What does my impulsive personality say, “Of course, can you bring them by my place so I can pick one?” The next think I know, I am hosting a mommy Siberian husky, her six perfect puppies and their two owners. My place immediately becomes a mad house; mommy is trying to keep all six of her pups in line and the pups just want to explore, smell, pee and pooh all over my house. Still, I am suckered into one particular puppy, named, Smiles, because she has a permanent smile planted on her face. I cannot resist. Despite the fact that my daughter is suffering from an allergic reaction, despite the fact that I just bought all new furniture and I know how puppies are going to chew on every corner, despite the fact that I just lost the love of my life, Lucy, whom is irreplaceable, despite all my better judgment, I take out my checkbook, pay them an unsightly amount of money, which is against my religion ( I would prefer to rescue a pup from the shelter), and thank them profusely. Then I clean up the massive mess these seven doggies have made and sit on the floor with this gorgeous, well-behaved cuties pie and have buyer’s remorse. I call it, “pulling a Trisha”. It is the story of my life…Running into something because my heart pulls me so hard, I have no choice.
Dakota, as she is now named, is the perfect pup. She is docile when I want her to be, playful when the timing is right, yet charming and perfectly in tuned with her environment. The sad part of my impulsive behavior…..Madison is allergic and breaks out in hives at the touch of her, and my property owner wants an obscene amount of money for a deposit. Sadly, I have to give her back.
Will I ever learn from my mistakes or is it just part of my obscure nature to be impulsive and follow my heart? Oh…….. The heart is a painful, yet amazing organ that drives me. Maybe I will never learn, but I know my heart will always be in the right place….I pray that she finds a wonderful home where she will be loved, unconditionally, as I would have loved her if the timing were right. Timing….that’s another story in and of its self…
I did purchase a Toyota Hybrid yesterday. This was also impulsive, but at least I am not polluting the air anymore with my massive Range Rover, or at least not until I embark on a road trip. I know these two things do not relate in the slightest, but somehow it makes me feel a little better, even though my heart is broken. I admit, I have made many mistakes over my life – but I am learning that this does not make me a bad person, even if I feel like one.

Monday, March 3, 2008


I am tired of writing about my feelings for the moment. How I feel about this and that. I am, especially tired of writing about being sad and dismal - I have decided if I am going to keep at this blogging thing, I am going to attempt being a little more inspiring. This weekend, my inspiration came from an Angel!

I have wanted to do a photo shoot up North with a model who would pose as an Angel for me. I was also secretly praying she would allow me to take nude photos of her, which she did and I am extremely grateful, as they are stunningly beautiful. Thanks Larissa! You are beautiful and the camera loves you!

This weekend I took my model, my best friend and we road tripped it up to Big Sur, along the way we stopped at locations we thought would inspire us, and I am so happy with the results. I am so happy and proud of my pictures. The drive was a chance to get out, see more of our beautiful landscape in California, and remove ourselves from the daily grind. I am inspired to do this more often, as this trip has reminded me that the open road, wind, weather and fabulous company can do a lot for the soul. We were laughing so hard all the way because we were saying things like…ooooohhhhh look at those mountains, aren’t they beautiful, oooohhhhhh look at the colors of those flowers, aren’t they magnificent, ooooohhhhh look at that cow, isn’t he cute and ooooohhhhh the ocean is so spectacular. You would have thought we had never seen mountains, ocean or a cow before. Tee hee…..

We left Santa Monica at around 11am and did not arrive in Big Sur until 10pm. We drove the entire way on Hwy1 and we stopped a lot to take photos of our Angel, wow, what fun! We turned many heads and got many honking horns when people driving past saw a beautiful angel standing on the side of the road. When we stopped at a graveyard, two people saw our angel and decided to stop, get out of their cars and take photos of us. How cute!

When we arrived at the little cabin for the night, it was freezing cold, lucky for my friends I am a master fire starter! Ha…We oohhed and aahhed over the pictures and laughed until close to 3am. We could see every single star and constellation in the night sky and when we ran out of firewood, I ran out into the forest and gathered some more, the moment could not have been more perfect. It is a wonderful feeling to arrive somewhere in the black of night and not know where you are or what to except to see in the morning when you wake up.

I realize how important it is for me to get out more often and be inspired, and if you’re not inspired, get in your car and drive somewhere you’ve never been before and maybe inspiration will find you. I am feeling incredibly inspired and artistic these days and the future is open with endless possibility.

Love and Inspiration…