Friday, November 30, 2007

Chapter One


I am challenging myself to change almost all aspects of my life. Step away from things that are familiar to me and explore new elements of life. With all the desperation in my heart, I want to embrace these changes, whatever they may be. Nothing in this life can remain the same forever, for otherwise it becomes ever so dull and boring. Nonetheless, change can be terribly frightening; so, I will force myself to be brave and face my fear of the unknown.

My journey will begin in FIJI where I will arrive alone. I have never traveled alone before and I have certainly never traveled without rhyme or reason. I am excited about what I might discover about myself and what lessons life might have to teach me.

The plan is to land in Nadi, which is the big island of Fiji, find transport to my hotel, throw my suitcases on the floor, put on my bikini, walk to the beach, find a nice spot to lie in the sand (no towel), embrace the rays, and be alone with my own thoughts, or maybe read a good book. I plan to do this for eight whole days. My friends think I will probably get bored, but somehow I doubt it…..

I wrote these words a hundred years ago and I think this is a good reflection of what my journey will be about discovering:

The transition from being a child, to becoming an adult is a wild ride. It is a rude awakening to wake up one day and realize ‘oh my god I am an adult’. I have responsibilities, like; making money to pay the bills, going to bed at a decent hour, so you can get enough sleep to be up at 6am with the kids, pack the lunch boxes, have a shower, look in the mirror and do something with your hair and face that will make it look presentable to the world, feed the dog, walk the dog, take the kids to school, go to a job you hate, with people you hate.. all before 9am. Just so you can pick the kids up from school, come home, make dinner, do the dishes, clean the house, bath the kids, fight them to go to bed, just so you can have 5 minutes to sit by yourself and do nothing – then go to bed at a decent hour so you can be up at 6am with the kids…and do it all again. Being an adult can sometimes feel like a dog that chases its own tail around and around and around in circles and never reach it! Reach what? What are we reaching for?

I remember when I was a little girl, the world looked like a huge play ground – so much to see and explore. I remember dreaming of becoming the most beautiful ballerina in the entire universe. Dressing up in a beautiful pink costume, my skirt made of the finest silk and when I spun around it moved like the prettiest cloud. Sparkles in my hair the shined like diamonds. My tiny ballet slippers were magic and I could lift myself off the ground and fly into the night sky like the most graceful butterfly. I would imagine being on a huge stage dancing and dancing for millions of people. They would look at me with wonderment, awe, and whisper on each other’s ears how graceful and beautiful I am.