Sometimes there are days when I feel “off”. Like today, dark and dangerous feelings envelope me so much that I find it difficult to navigate my way through the day. Heavy thoughts and sensations seem to make their way into my mind and body and they camp out for a while. My body gets heavy, I don’t want to get out of bed, nothing excites me, my life seems fraudulent and worthless. I am second s away from bitter and broken. It doesn’t feel natural, I want to wage war against them, fight them off, but they are stronger than me. I had a dream the other night that I was shot in the heart at close range, and I couldn’t scream for help. No one could see the blood running down my chest, but I could see it red, feel it warm, the people around me just stared, I tried so hard to speak, to tell them I was dying, but no one could hear me. I lay there, alone, in my pool of blood, slowly suffocating. I will listen to these thoughts, embrace these feelings, know that it will pass and tomorrow or whenever it subsides, I will walk into the light once again…..…
The floodgates open and nothing comes out.
I’m feeling no relief in my head just doubt.
But my heart keeps telling me 'hold your ground’
You'll never learn a thing if you bail out now
And I'm lonely again tonight
I can feel it like a knot in my side
They keep saying this is part of the ride
But I'm not getting stronger
You hold me against the light
And do you see any bullet inside?
Wouldn't find one if you magnified
Because you've got the wrong girl
Had my fingers around the back of your chair
You'd never miss a thing but you missed me there
And I just kept thinking 'Am I prepared
To pull it out from under your trusting stare?'
Now the house is quiet as a hollow head
And I'm walking round bumping into things you said
This has not been as easy as I thought it would
I’d be cooling down the fire if I thought I could
But I'm lonely again tonight
I can feel it like a knot in my side
They keep saying this is part of the ride
But I'm not getting stronger
You hold me against the light
And do you see any bullet inside?
Wouldn't find one if you magnified
Because you've got the wrong girl
2 comments:
wow...sounds like you are really open to the dark forest these days, which is a good thing..it helps you see the light when it shines bright and it tells you things you did not know and it takes you places you would not go..trust and breathe.
Oh, but we are not strangers. Hang on love, it's a long trek up hill. I hear the view at the top is breathtaking.
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