Hummingbird Girl

Several months ago, I saw a painting, Hummingbird Girl, created by a wonderful artist, Swirly. http://swirlygirl.typepad.com/ When I first saw this sensational painting, I made an instant connection with it. I had to have it. It represented ME, at that very moment in my life, ready to grow my wings and flap them a million miles per-minute.

For many years I believe I was dormant, not because I was inhibited, but maybe because I felt a sense of not knowing where my life should lead if it was entirely my life. Strange to me now, to wonder why I felt this way, however, there was always something in the back of my mind wondering who I really was and who I truly wanted to become. These answers are still not entirely clear to me, but there are things I do know about myself and no matter how hard I try to change them, I cannot, because at the core essence of my being, there are things that define who we are.

As women, I believe that there are moments when we are truly tortured by of our lives…..being a wife, a mother, a CEO, a artist, an entrepreneur, an assistant, a lover, a fighter, a WOMAN, or all of the above, we are thrown into a man’s world, and expected to be superwoman. We are expected to be an amazing cook, matriarch, entertainer, worldly, do the laundry, be successful, be wise and sophisticated, yet be true to ourselves all at the same time. However, sometimes, we need to be vulnerable and feminine and have a good old fashion cry because we just feel like it, or reveal a part of ourselves that maybe we do not want to show. Sometimes others may view this as a weakness in our character or think that we are pansy’s and should just toughen up, and so we don’t reveal this side to ourselves as readily as we might, this is especially true for me.. Women have no worries speaking to a girlfriend about the ’woe is me’, but to others, we may conceal those intimate details that reveal that weaker side to our character. Women have come far in this world, we have fought for woman’s liberation, equal rights, and all that jazz, but have we forgotten who we are along the way? The beauty that we betray is something still to be seen and witnessed in this world, by ourselves especially.

June 2007, was a landmark in my life, whereby many changes and heartache were about to fall upon me, all in one big bang! For months I felt the desire to get out of ‘check’ and just move on, but something within me said, GO, get out of here for awhile, remove yourself from this environment, get out there and fine yourself, explore and make changes if you can. I have always been very stubborn and audacious, but suddenly I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation that I did not know how to get out of it. Therefore, I decided I should head out into the world and take a break, alone, a moment of silence if you will.


I was about to embark on a journey alone, for the first time in my life, as a woman and leave behind the past and attempt to paint my future. My journey alone is the only moment in my life where I have made a decision that was solely for me and me alone. Most of my life, I have made decisions based around other people in my life. I think there are many women who do this. Probably because we are nurturing and our natural instinct, is to please the majority, before ourselves. I am not saying there is anything wrong with making decisions based on others, but sometimes there are critical moments in our lives when we must choose ourselves first, over anyone else and this was mine - To vacate to Fiji and Australia for 22 days – alone. I cannot recommend anything more life changing for any woman going through a brutal situation, whether it is divorce, death, a loss of magnitude, or a life-changing situation. For me, my decision was frightening, scary, lonely, teary, amazing, educational, quiet, sad, happy, eye opening, but most of all, it was my time to experience; life, culture, myself, and human kind with eyes-wide open.

I cannot finish this entry in one evening, however, I want to share with anyone who wants to listen, that a moment of silence within ourselves and the embracing of who we are, no matter what the rest of the world may think, is more important than anything in the entire universe. That truly embracing and excepting who we are, maybe the key to navigating our way through this life and sometimes finding that peace requires sitting on a beach for many days alone……….and not being afraid. For anyone who feels trapped or wants to spread their wings and explore…..just do it. Don’t think about it, just do it……flap your wings a million miles a minute and don’t think about it……..grow wings and flap them as hard as you can, even if you don’t know where they may lead you…I certainly don’t know where my wings are taking me, but I do know that they are my wings and I can fly wherever I want………