Merry-go-round

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

Life is a short path that leads down many roads, alleys, avenues, sidewalks, but sometimes it feels like a merry-go-round, around, and around we go, without ever getting off to walk the road. Sometimes I feel as though I am the only one on this merry-go-round, but the more I open my eyes and step outside my own universe I realize that many people feel this way. They are trying to navigate a new journey in life, overcome artistic angst, trying to unravel the questions to happiness, love, the meaning of life, work, money, family. The theme is the common thread that ties us together as human beings. Not one of us perfect, yet we are all striving to find the peace within ourselves that makes this merry-go-round meaningful and have purpose.
I remember the days when getting on that merry-go-round was exciting and thrilling; up and down, round and round, screaming I want to do it again! However, after years of the same old thing, it becomes monotonous, a queasy feeling overcomes, and eventually it all comes up. I used to think that it was better to hold it all in than to let myself throw up, because throwing up is messy and requires a bucket, a hair tie, a mop and air-freshener. I am finally throwing up all over myself and it is coming out, with vengeance. I am beginning to let go, allow my life to get messy for a while and not except to have all the answers right now. I trying to not compare or measure my life along side anyone else or strive to be or have something that I can never reach. How do we measure our lives anyway? By how much money we have, how many friends we have, how happy we are, what we have accomplished, how smart we are, how creative we are, how well we live? Should we measure our lives at all? Maybe it is a hell of a lot simpler to do the best we can, not stress over the small stuff and not think about shit too much. I know when I think too much, I get straight back on that merry-go-round and always end up in the same place, going around in circles. I am not saying we should not think, because that is what makes us human, but I mean get out in the world, experience things, try new things and make decisions based on what feels good, what feels right.
I continually hear messages all around me such as, live in the moment, love what you do, do what you love, follow your heart, do what you are passionate about, fall and grow your wings on the way down, follow your own path, but what if these things are easier said than done? What if your path is already laid out and you can’t stop walking that road because you have responsibilities and even if you want to get off the road for awhile, sit on a rock and ponder the universe, try something new, or take a different road, you can’t, because you made decisions earlier in life that affect everything decision and every move you now make?
These ideas sound lovely, romantic, beautiful, hopeful and all the rest, but maybe easier said than done? It doesn’t mean we should give up. Never give up. As hard as it all may seem, never, ever stop dreaming or believing what you believe. What is true for you, is true for you and no one can ever take that away.
Each day is different and with each dawn a new question, a new problem, a new idea, an old idea that has been floating around for a while, new quests, old sorrows, new sorrows, new joy!
I may not always practice what I preach, but I sure know what I want to preach. Love life, live life as if it your last, live for yourself, follow your own path and be free, always.